I have finally had enough. He demands so much of my time, lures me into spending money for things I don’t need, stirs up discontent with my friends, and when I ask a simple question, gives me so many differing answers (that often include pornography) that I am more confused than when I started.
Before you get the wrong idea, my darling Brian and I are fine, wedded and happy. No, I speak of another long-term relationship, one that began more than 15 years ago.
I’m talking about divorcing that great seducer, The Internet.
I knew he was seeing other people, I knew he was cheating on me and telling other people things about me he had no business sharing. But I was so in love with him! Our passion knew no bounds; we would leap into each other’s arms at every opportunity and spend hours together exploring new sites. I thought he had so much to offer, but everything came with a price.
Finally, the showdown happened. I tried to opt out of several email lists, and he kept hurling their pesky messages back at me. I shouted at him, but he pretended not to hear. He made me look at things that told me details of friends’, relatives’ and acquaintances’ personal lives that I didn’t even want to know. I had had enough, and slowly, quietly and deliberately turned. him. off.
Now, there are slight custody issues that have to be dealt with. We’ve worked out an agreement that I will have visitation rights weekly for two hours. During visitation, I can write a blog post, find recipes and check on Ravelry and place online orders for things I actually need. During the week I can check email via my Droid, but apart from that, I will finally be free to concentrate on interests that do not depend on this bully.
The freedom is intoxicating. I turn off my computer at home for days at a time. I no longer wander into the office every half hour to see what’s new with Him. I work logic puzzles by hand on real paper with a real pencil. I cook real meals. I might even be able to concentrate on finishing real projects.
How is He taking it? He’s furious. I open my email and find all the insults he slings my way, all the taunts about holiday sales and free shipping and how I need to upgrade this or that software. I’m ignoring him. I don’t think he’ll go away, but I’m through lavishing attention on him. If he dies tomorrow, I won’t mourn him.